Weather Reports

My backyard.

2012-01-30T17:45:00.000-06:00

Monday Morning.

2012-01-30T07:29:00.003-06:00

I saw this on Facebook.

"So you want traditional marriage like the marriages in The Bible you say?"

Someone shared it and was like, "YESSS!!!!"

People annoy me. Really? You are taking things out of context to a level that you don't even know. ALSO people in the Bible appear to remind of us our sins. Then there is the fact that things were completely different in Old Testament times as opposed to New Testament times because of some certain event that our country celebrates with pastels, bunnies and chocolate eggs (and I'm sure whoever posted this just loves the shit out of those damn chocolate eggs).

This is why Christian's look like idiots.

I haven't had my coffee yet.

SOMEONE MAKE ME SOME COFFEE.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that I think gay marriage is wrong, or should be outlawed either. I'm just saying both ways of arguing it are kind of annoying. I'm over it. How about they can get married and everyone just shuts the hell up about it already?

2012-01-30T07:24:00.001-06:00

2012-01-24T20:23:00.004-06:00

"I believe that lovers should be tied together, thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather. And left there to drown, left there to drown in their innocence."

Smack That!

2012-01-24T20:13:00.004-06:00

So I'm in the computer lab today; it's around 9:00 a.m. and I'm upstairs in Lang Hall. On my way in, I noticed a girl on a nearby bench in sweatpants, with some baby-blue studded broette headband attatched to her scalp. She was bitching on the phone. I gave her a second glance, I admit; but only because the headband was hideous. Then I went along my merry way, in a good mood because I had listened to The White Stripes all morning.

So, I get inside and Im printing off my homework. All the sudden I hear, "smack that, all on the floor, smack that give me some more." It sounds like it is coming from really terrible headphones, and I pictured some bro that must have been sitting directly outside of the computer lab. I leave, paper in hand, and realize, it's actually the studded head band broette, reading a school book and blaring rap music so loudly that the entire hallway can hear it.

Really, how do you study listening to Akon?!!

Well thanks, sista. That has been stuck in my head

ALL DAY.

I love my BUBBA.

2012-01-23T20:11:00.001-06:00

My water mug is bigger than my head. Another past gift from Big D.

Debt?

2012-01-23T16:12:00.003-06:00

Who the fuck cares about debt and the country and politics when. . .

THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!

I mean really, priorities people.

2012-01-23T10:18:00.002-06:00

Undeserving

The night cold, bitter breathes;
A wife I will never be, how anyone could want me?
Corrupted in and out of consciousness, dark skies;
My eyes forget to fall under soft spoken spells; and
The stars don’t tempt me underneath snow spread current.
For myself, I cannot even fall, how anyone could want me?
I wonder it all, as the days gently sway.
Lungs living through poisonous pipes, inhaled leaving life,
A faithful wife I will never be; betraying of my family.
Devil strikes me, words unkind escape me, he constantly drains;
So I feel as though demoralized most under this vast starlit sky.
No kind heart is deserving of me;
I am deserving of no kind heart myself; just soak in sin,
Bitter, boiling, burning into the blue moon’s calling.

Welcome To My Couch.

2012-01-22T20:01:00.007-06:00

Cops is on the television, but it's muted and I'm listening to Bright Eyes.

Thanks for visiting.

Letting Off The Happiness.

2012-01-22T19:26:00.003-06:00

I used to listen to this album on repeat back in my sophomore high school days, during the cold winter nights. So, I will listen to it now. The end.

2012-01-22T14:23:00.001-06:00

"We're not even two people. Even before we met, we were just these two halves, walking around with big gaping holes in the shape like the other person. And when we found each other we were finally whole. And then it was as if we couldn't stand being happy so we ripped ourselves in half again."- From Sylvia (2003)

Rihanna - We Found Love ft. Calvin Harris

2012-01-21T10:30:00.000-06:00

Can you tell I've been watching VH1 all morning? Yes, you can.

Seriously, I love this video so much.

Bruno Mars.

2012-01-21T10:11:00.001-06:00

"It Will Rain"

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.

There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makin'
To keep you by my side
To keep you from walkin' out the door.

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, rain

I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Ooh, if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Sayin' "There goes my little girl
Walkin' with that troublesome guy"

But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Ooh, but little darlin' watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, rain.

Oh, don't just say (don't just say) goodbye (goodbye),
Don't just say (don't just say) goodbye (goodbye)
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain, rain, rain

2012-01-21T10:00:00.002-06:00

I love mornings when I can just stay in bed, drink coffee, and surf the internet while watching VH1 top video countdowns.

Foster The People - Call It What You Want

2012-01-21T09:28:00.000-06:00

I have such a love/hate relationship with them. Maybe if Victoria's Secret and every other retail store/radio station played another song other than Pumped Up Kicks.

I just can't help but dance when they play though.

N Sync - Girlfriend

2012-01-20T22:21:00.000-06:00

Lance seriously reminds me of one of my "ex boyfriends." At least Lance had the decency to come out of the closet.

N Sync - Tearin Up My Heart (Live MTV TRL 1998.)

2012-01-20T22:09:00.000-06:00

Green with envy.

2012-01-20T15:32:00.002-06:00

I want this!

I HAVE WANTED AN EMERALD RING FOR A LONG TIME.

THIS IS A VINTAGE STYLE EMERALD RING.

IT IS ON SALE.

YES I AM YELLING FOR A REASON.

I Hate You.

2012-01-20T14:01:00.002-06:00

I see you, every day and I can't get away from you, guilty

Conscience of sin's cold seduction on your

Soft skin.

And I want to warn everyone to stay away from you,

You cold, bitter

Bitch.

Day 123.

2012-01-20T12:31:00.002-06:00

Remember when I used to take self portraits every day? I wish I had enough discipline to start again. That was something that kept me happy, creative, and it is one of my favorite incomplete journals.

This was shortly after I started my obsession with belly dancing every day. I miss the nice weather, and I miss being that comfortable in my skin. I look confident. I remember feeling confident.

I was asked, a couple months ago, to find a picture that represents the "happiest" I have ever been in my life. If it were a few months ago, and I was asked again I think I may have chosen this picture. I can't describe the freedom I felt when I started doing things for myself and no one else. I'm starting to feel that slip back into my reality again, at certain moments. Hoping it will stick around.

Kathie Lee and Hoda at the same time:

2012-01-20T10:11:00.003-06:00

"At some point we have to learn to start loving ourselves."

I have a secret addiction to watching them every morning. I am such a girl. As well as my mother's daughter.

Politics.

2012-01-19T16:33:00.003-06:00

This is why Dustin and I are friends.

Whenever I hear about "politics" I think of that Emery song, Studying Politics. Isn't everything just politics anyway? Jobs, work environments, relationships, churches.

Anyway, I was totally against voting a couple months ago; but I'll probably just end up voting Libertarian again. Sometimes I feel like I hate politics because I just don't know enough about each person, and I also think we concentrate on things that are irrelevant to the real problems in the country. Which may be why I don't know enough of the things I'd like to know about each candidate. Anyway, being around people who are talking about it makes me somewhat interested. I heard from a teacher that Rick Perry dropped out today.

Now I'm going to have Emery stuck in my head all evening.

Ron Paul meets medical marijuana patient

2012-01-18T09:31:00.000-06:00

Secret Sunday.

2012-01-15T10:48:00.002-06:00

If you don't read PostSecret every sunday, you should start.

Remaining Title-less, For Now.

2012-01-14T08:47:00.006-06:00

I'm still working on this, sometimes constantly. I hate the ending.

Weakly I lie, a twin sized bed;
Every romantic’s song-lyric’d
Fantasy.
Poisoned air still haunts the home,
As I know the lies that are trapped there.
The room, I lost who I loved,
Where monsters come from that still
Infest my nightmares. I wonder when it’s
All said and done, is this it?
I felt nothing but unconscious lust.
His eyes melt over with fire as
The time passes, he chains me to the floors
I walk on and the nights I sleep on and the days I tremble on;
While I convince the world, the world
Convinces myself that this phase won’t stay this strong.
His infamous quotes in my reality don’t
Register in my mind as honesty.
I’d cry, sip wine while he was on the other line staggering his words
Loathing and loving his beautiful, ugly mind.
“How many glashses haveyouhad?”
By the end of the night I’d have been hung up on countless times;
Hiding behind doors until I sipped the bottle dry.
“You hurt me”
“You cheated on me”
“You lied to me”
“You’re never there for me”
“I do everything for you
and
what
do I get?
Nothing.”
“How would you feel if I talked
to other girls?”
I wouldn’t care.
“Don’t lie to me! I wouldn’t do that to you, I love you.
I could have anyone else,
I could come home with any girl
But
I
Choose
You.”
I had dreams for myself once, ambitions, expectations, frustrations;
My dad told me when he’s sick, I take such good care. I wanted to
Help people. I hated you for telling me I couldn’t.
In a way that, seemed like it was my idea,
That I shouldn’t.
Yet, I still promised, my life to you I’d devote.
On that rainy day, the last hug the last touch,
The sight of your face, nauseous, I felt.
The drive back home,
I prayed and I prayed and I thanked God because I knew
I wouldn’t be seeing you, touching you, feeling you
Again.
Sick how you live and make love to your
Ungodly conscience.
Other girl’s you will now hunt;
Trembling I remember how you manipulated me to give
It all up.
I fear for the women who follow; the diamonds you’ll give
The money spent, the fake tears
Mental hits.
I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone; yet I still laugh at the fools
As though I’ve never been in their shoes.
All alone I sit, a constant attempt to
Learn to love myself I must.
I stare outside as the snow settles like dust,
And I make my own life, learn my own things,
Less focus on the clocks, pointing their fingers as they watch.

Sometimes I still shed one, clear
Beautiful, crystal, joyous tear when I
Thank God you are nowhere, nothing to me

Just a white spec, from the blizzard that has long passed.

Happy Friday the 13th Birthday.

2012-01-13T21:36:00.002-06:00

Happy birthday to the most important man in my life and one of my best friends. I can't imagine my life without him, and wouldn't be the woman I am if he weren't such a role model in my life.

I love you daddy.

I'm A Warrior Queen.

2012-01-13T17:28:00.004-06:00

Last night I dreamt that Lady GaGa and I were best friends. We went to the mall, we took pictures, we sang songs; it was awesome. I saw someone try to murder her before a concert, I was always backstage. Total BFF. Then, I wake up and I'm totally sad. I guess, Lady GaGa isn't my best friend after all.

BUT THEN, I get in the car to go to class; Lady GaGa is on the radio. From class to Hy-Vee, Lady GaGa is on the radio. From Hy-Vee back to my apartment, LADY GAGA IS ON THE FREKKIN' RADIO. I'm pretty sure Mother Monster is trying to tell me something.

2012-01-12T19:20:00.001-06:00

"There is a Dutch saying, 'Don't fret; it will happen differently anyway.' I believe that." -Audrey Hepburn.

"E True Hollywood Story."

2012-01-12T08:19:00.001-06:00

The Full House Story.

I always forget how much I love the Oleson Twins.

Awww!

2012-01-11T20:13:00.003-06:00

This makes me actually want a kitty. Thanks Mayim.

P.S. If you are reading this I miss you.

2012-01-10T21:30:00.001-06:00

Lady GaGa dance session in my living room.

2012-01-10T21:13:00.001-06:00

Britney Spears dance session in my living room.

2012-01-10T20:33:00.002-06:00

Getting drunk soon seems like a really fun idea.

Getting drunk and listening to Coldplay in a bed with 1,00,000,000 thread count sheets and my boyfriend sounds even better. But you know, we can't have it all.

No More Boring.

2012-01-10T08:45:00.003-06:00

It feels amazingly wonderful to wear real clothes again, and get this 90% black shit out of my wardrobe for a few days. I felt so boring, and then when I could wear non-work clothes all I wanted to do was wear comfy yoga pants and sweat pants.

This is just one minor reason as to why I am happy to be in school again.

"Used To Dream Of Time Machines."

2012-01-09T19:11:00.005-06:00

I don't really communicate with anyone anymore. Sitting here alone, trying to resist the whiskey on the upper shelf, I realize how alone I am. Not that I'm lonely; I am perfectly okay with being here, looking outside at some dead, Iowa cornfield. It's just that I used to be so much closer to so many people.

I know it's part of growing up. Jobs, and significant others, and degrees, and budgets. It just doesn't make sense sometimes, how certain people knew me so well, and now they don't know me well at all. Friends I listened to Bright Eyes with, they seem to all have come and left. I tie myself to distant memories by the words I wish I could create. I remember when I first really, really got into them- I was still reading Gossip Girl novels in my old bedroom, not that that would tell one much. Conor played in the Netherlands once, at a Literary festival- my friend, he called me up, let Monsters Of Folk sing songs to my voicemail. Sometimes I wish we could speak again, if only for a second. Just to see how he is, how's the dog, how's the weather? And will that wedding, will it be just the way I dreamt?

I have distanced myself from the world I once knew- and she has distanced me from herself. Cocaine dreams and lousy things; wanting to be a princess but I just could not. Mary had a little lamb, but her fleece it wasn't so pure. My friend and I used to play Digital Ash on repeat, he's almost living next door. His daughter she's about a month now, but I couldn't tell you what she looks like, or the color of her eyes. I'd rather hide inside.

Friends leave and hurt, and lovers cheat and curse. And it seems so much easier to be closer to a rock star, who you know you'll never meet. One night, I did but I had too many watermelon drinks. Took pictures in his living room, fish bowl eyes on the outside. Thinking about that today, on the long repetitive drive. How many girls are lucky enough to meet their favorite musician? See his house, not just from a distance?

See, I don't communicate much- I've got a journal, a best friend, my dad, my music-filled nights, a few somethings else. I don't see anyone- I just linger about the way it was. I guess that's as romantic as it will be; things never stay the same you know. I'm here alone writing stupid, silly things. It seems as though there aren't many other places I'd rather be.

All my friends, I don't know where they've gone. Some have moved, some haven't moved at all. Lost contacts in a web of indecision. Earlier nights, no more drunken drives. The way we kissed, just enough times to make it count. I wonder about it, about them, about it all. The history I've written, the future I'm writing; how long the present will keep its presence. How many more cycles of friends? Dreams lost and forgotten. You see, we never really talk much. Some of you, I don't like you at all. You've still made me who I am though, and there's not really anyone I'd rather be.

2012-01-09T19:06:00.001-06:00

My day has been a mix of Conor Oberst and Jim Morrison, that is it.

2012-01-09T19:03:00.000-06:00

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.
Oh, does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched
and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much?

Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes.
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there's a thousand more
you won't ever see but most hold inside yourself eternally

Well, I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper: "Here is where you rest."
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees
and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

Yeah, I'm that girl that is never going to get over Bright Eyes.

Watching:

2012-01-09T17:56:00.001-06:00

"The thing is, I don't think I like the game."

2012-01-09T17:47:00.001-06:00

Thinking.

2012-01-08T12:38:00.004-06:00

Why are we so determined to make others believe our lives are this wall art masterpiece? Not only am I speaking for other people, but for myself. I know I have done this many times. We want the world we know to see us as happy people. We convince our Facebook community that our days are exciting and delightful; that we are humorous and witty. I know the dirty little gossip column details of a far friend's life; and I see that she, nonetheless, was very "happy" going to church with her wonderful husband this morning. Someone else, that I know all too well, was always so thrilled to see her boyfriend of past weathers; the one to whom she was also very "thrilled" to walk down the dark aisle with; leading to a path of misery. Now she continues to paint perfection through a blog that she's has been making over dramatic love to for years.

Why are we so consumed into this virtual, unrealistic world? We can angle a camera to make strangers believer we are taller, shorter, skinnier, prettier, curvier, bustier, happier. Does this make us believe that we are, actually, this content with who we are? Taking images on our MacBook's until we get one that is lovely enough for our friends to see in the News Feed.

Twisting and turning our trials to resemble beauty; relationships that are failing behind closed "walls." The private messaging between long lost lovers who have finally reunited, obsessing over what once was. What could be; with this fake image of ourselves that we produce like a top selling product. All the while, we are all degrading lives behind a screen, so we feel higher, stronger, wiser, and more lovely than the next.

Why, are we all so good and pretending? Playing make believe like we did on the playground. Girls always have boyfriends, and by 2:00 recess, their husbands always come home on time. They give them flowers on anniversaries, and help them create beautiful children that never seem to misbehave. Their diamond rings blind our screens, with their white smile making us feel miserable for feeling so alone. So we stare into the indefinite black hole of this reality, where we all leave the surface in title waves of happy memories.

"Besides, we all are making money. And we are all fucking alone. And we don't know what we are doing. Maybe just buying us some hope."

2012-01-05T23:39:00.002-06:00

"If I turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me. Sing this song- remind me that we'll always have each other, when everything else is gone."

Tunes.

2012-01-05T23:23:00.004-06:00

I feel like I haven't done this for awhile.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of Miles Davis and Beethoven pieces.

Other than that. . .

Honey Come Home- The Head and The Heart.

Trapped In My Mind- Kid Cudi.

Campfire- Grizzly Bear.

Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap.

You Don't Know My Mind- Hugh Laurie.

Princess of China- Coldplay.

Under A Honeymoon- The Good Life.

Goodbye Kiss- Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.

If Not Now, When?- Incubus.

She Reminds Me Of You- Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross.

Goodnight, blog world.

Thanks, Amy.

2012-01-05T12:26:00.001-06:00

Snoopy Mug!

2012-01-05T12:18:00.002-06:00

I am pretty positive this is the only mug I've used since I got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2012-01-05T11:44:00.000-06:00

I know, I get so sick of layouts so quickly. I am indecisive. I wish I could redecorate this often.

Day 5.

2012-01-05T10:53:00.003-06:00

It is January fifth, 2012. One, it feels strange to say "two-thousand-twelve," but I suppose that's what always happens when a new year approaches. Why are people so superstitious about the new year? It is just another day, another year; there is nothing lucky or unlucky about New Year's Eve kisses and New Year's Day resolutions. For instance, I have made a goal to finish this "365 Days of Calvin," before the New Year's Day of 2013- reading one entry daily. They are short, and I should have no excuse to tackle these small devotions every day; however, on the first day of the New Year I neglected to touch it. (I was reading the forward on New Year's Eve day in excitement to learn more about John Calvin). Well, anyway, having said that, that's not going to be a reason for me to hold back, I am caught up and hoping to continue reading it.

I know their are people who come across my blog who are not religious or believe in God- anything of the sort. That is fine with me; it is not my decision to make, and I would never dislike a person for what they chose to believe. I will, however, discuss my beliefs openly- I always have. Even when I struggle with Faith, or Church, or my own downfalls. I don't want to brag about my Faith because it does not make me any better of a person than a murderer sentenced to life in prison or a cocaine dealer on the streets; hiding underneath warrants and stacks of paperwork. I know I am not immune to boasting in Christ; but what annoys me is those who boast in their unbelief. Those who constantly believe they are more intelligent than me because they can discuss Apes and evolution and turn Jesus into a joke. There have been moments where I have struggled and tried to deny any evidence of a Higher Power; but those moments are usually short lived. When I am in the mountains, or when I step outside my front door; and I see everything around me, the way it functions and moves and lives and breaths, I wonder how anyone could be convinced of anything else. That is just my opinion though; and well if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong.

I still enjoy my fair share of worldly pleasures. We all know that.

Anyway, why I even started writing this in the first place was because today this verse stuck out to me:

Psalm 127: 2

"It is vain for you to rise up early.

To sit up late,

To eat the bread of sorrows;

For so He gives His beloved sleep."

Too often I am too wrapped up in my own world to get enough rest or to forget my sorrows, that I can hardly function in reality. Now, that is my self-centered attitude at it's finest.

Good day/good morning bloggers. Enjoy the midwest winter weather, my window is cracked just a tad.

Heart. heart. heart.

2012-01-04T20:49:00.002-06:00

How could you not adore a boy who takes pictures with you and your doll. (P.S. I look terrible).

Awkward family photos.

I LOVE these.

2012-01-04T19:51:00.000-06:00

2012-01-02T23:41:00.000-06:00

Golf Etiquette

2012-01-02T21:42:00.001-06:00

He was such a happy little boy. I love my bro.

2012-01-02T21:37:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite Christmas presents.

2012-01-02T21:27:00.000-06:00

I like my view.

I always wonder...

2012-01-02T21:24:00.001-06:00

Every January when I hang up a new calendar, what my life will be like when I take it down.

2012-01-02T10:53:00.001-06:00

2012-01-02T10:34:00.003-06:00

I like those moments in life, when you just realize that everything is wonderful; no matter how shitty it felt five seconds ago.

Party for one.

2012-01-02T00:28:00.002-06:00

I should be at Target.

2011-12-30T13:09:00.000-06:00

The Call Up-The Clash.

It's up to you not to heed the call-up
'N' you must not act the way you were brought up
Who knows the reasons why you have grown up?
Who knows the plans or why they were drawn up?

It's up to you not to heed the call-up
I don't wanna die!
It's up to you not to hear the call-up
I don't wanna kill!

For he who will die
Is he who will kill

Maybe I wanna see the wheatfields
Over Kiev and down to the sea

All the young people down the ages
They gladly marched off to die
Proud city fathers used to watch them
Tears in their eyes

There is a rose that I want to live for
Although, God knows, I may not have met her
There is a dance an' I should be with her
There is a town - unlike any other

It's up to you not to hear the call-up
'N' you must not act the way you were brought up
Who give you work an' why should you do it?
At fifty five minutes past eleven
There is a rose...
Yeah!

But I just cannot get enough music today.

Heart.

2011-12-30T12:23:00.001-06:00

The Good Life Album of the Year live

2011-12-30T02:20:00.000-06:00

This song. Tears. Every time.

2011-12-29T19:14:00.001-06:00

"We're kissing without kissing, we've got it down to a fine art."

Hearrrrt.

2011-12-29T19:07:00.000-06:00

My Top Five.

2011-12-29T17:59:00.003-06:00

(I was asked, and I have calculated a list this afternoon on the way home).

1. My cute boyfriend.

2. Johnny Depp.

3. Justin Timberlake.

4. Brandon Boyd.

5. Mila Kunis.

Holy buckets, My So Called Life is on Sundance channel, right now?! I just got really excited.

6. Jared Leto.

Holy Headphones.

2011-12-28T11:51:00.002-06:00

Speaking of my brother, I just listened to Kid Cudi on these Beats by Dr. Dre and I almost had an orgasm.

SERIOUSLY, they are awesome. Holyshiiiyyyyt.

K, J, and B.

2011-12-28T11:40:00.002-06:00

The bro music blaring through big speakers from next door, in my brother's room, is really mixing well with this Grizzly Bear that's playing from my MacBook.

(As I'm downloading Young Jeezy).

Adorable.

2011-12-26T23:40:00.001-06:00

My Boyfriend>Your Boyfriend.

2011-12-26T23:25:00.001-06:00

Nothing makes me happier than Snoopy presents.

2011-12-26T02:49:00.002-06:00

2011-12-26T02:20:00.002-06:00

I feel like my past is a total embarrassment, and a good reason for people to run away.

2011-12-25T10:52:00.001-06:00

Tolkien.

2011-12-25T10:51:00.001-06:00

2011-12-25T01:17:00.001-06:00

It's a pillow, it's a pet!

2011-12-25T01:13:00.001-06:00

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

2011-12-23T22:32:00.002-06:00

So many things about this movie, just make me have so many different emotions.

It may be above LOTR and HP at the moment.

Seriously, love.

I wish I could be that cold and badass.

Limitless.

2011-12-23T21:51:00.002-06:00

I'm in a position where I could really get hurt.

That scares me.

Not just by others; I have a million thoughts that I don't want to share with anyone.

Today I feel so weak, so I'm just going to do what I do best when I want to forget about being human.

Cheers to you, baby Jesus.

2011-12-22T08:55:00.000-06:00

2011-12-21T14:45:00.001-06:00

$$$$$$$$$

2011-12-20T17:23:00.004-06:00

Ooops I forgot to return that iTunes card and slipped, and accidentally scratched the shiny part off with a quarter.

YAY NEW MUSIC.

Seriously Lauren stop spending money now.

2011-12-20T17:23:00.001-06:00

I love Seth MacFarlane.

Listening to bro music.

2011-12-20T10:22:00.000-06:00

Cause I miss my bro!!

2011-12-20T10:14:00.001-06:00

Pack your stuff, leave my keys, get your shit, gotta go.

2011-12-19T19:52:00.001-06:00

Yayyy!

2011-12-19T19:50:00.001-06:00

So. damn. comfy.

I'm returning an iTunes card because I bought them. That's how comfy they are.

I almost made this my Facebook status.

2011-12-19T07:46:00.001-06:00

2011-12-19T07:40:00.003-06:00

So, I didn't buy these yesterday and I should have. I am highly considering going back to get them, they are on sale!!!

I have a shopping problem.

2011-12-19T07:38:00.002-06:00

Hahahahahahaha.

I do that.

Thursday.

2011-12-18T20:01:00.002-06:00

Seems like a freaking lifetime from now.

I wish more than anything that he could just be here now, watching Adult Swim with me on my new flatscreen tv that I would be more than happy to share with him until it stops working. (Yes, Mark, that means you can just come over whenever you want). Also, I have the best parents in the world for getting me said flatscreen for Christmas. I almost want to sleep on the couch tonight. That sounds fun.

Anyway, Sarah has graduated. That means the Weather Reports has officially made it through both of her graduations. Let's see if it will make it through both of mine; or if I will even make it.

Also, why do I always forget how to delete people from Facebook? I feel like going on a deleting spree.

2011-12-16T09:25:00.001-06:00

2011-12-14T09:34:00.002-06:00

I want him in my bed.

Poker Face.

2011-12-12T16:50:00.002-06:00

All of my exes think of me when they hear Lady GaGa. Muahahaha.

I AM SO KEWL BECAUSE I HAVE A MILLION EX BOYFRIENDZZZZZ.

Hi, I'm Lauren and incase you didn't know I am very sarcastic. K, bye.

Lady GaGa makes me horny.

2011-12-12T16:45:00.004-06:00

Also, dear future husband please don't be surprised if you ever walk in on one of my dancing to pop music sessions. If you cannot ever leave me alone for this crucial part of my life, then you are not the one.

(You may join sometimes though. And then rip my clothes off. lkajdf;klsdfasdfkl I love Lady GaGa).

2011-12-12T00:04:00.001-06:00

I miss taking pictures.

Post Secret. . .

2011-12-11T11:50:00.002-06:00

Makes me feel normal, and like the things I think are not totally fucked up.

Meow.

2011-12-11T10:58:00.003-06:00

I almost "L" word him.

I am so scared of myself, because myself likes to rush things. As seen in the past, and in my book of Weather Reports. I am always in love with someone; whether he is a constant pest biting my skin whenever I'm fresh again, or a high school romance, or a dirty American who plays guitar, or a dirty European who plays guitar, or a crazy, manipulative chubby kid that I graduated high school with and hardly knew (and almost committed my entire life to), or the guy I got drunk with for a month straight and couldn't tell the difference between right and left let alone love or wanting to fuck someone besides said chubby kid, or the other guy I fantasized about in ninth grade and had to fulfill the fantasy so my ninth grade self could rest in peace inside of a worn out HIM notebook. HEY ENGLISH MAJOR IS THIS A RUN ON SENTENCE? Anyway, with my history, you could see where it would be difficult to trust myself anymore.

All I know, is that in all honesty, this is the first relationship outside of my first real relationship (with one of my now best friend's boyfriend, and this said friend used to be my high school rivalry- our life is an 80's movie made in heaven) that I have been sober. I mean, we were drunk together once; but throughout the process of getting to know one another (which is always a continuous thing), I have been sober, overall. I am used to relying on alcohol to make decisions for me, which is very unhealthy- obviously. I love everyone a lot more when there is poison in my veins.

Anyway, it's terrifying to have to make my own decisions. It's terrifying how much I overanalyze situations after the soap opera of May 2010- August 2011. Thank God He had the wisdom to cancel its second season. When I look back at the random prayers I said in August, I wonder why I was such an idiot, asking God to protect me and save me from being the subject of a murder scene should have been the reddest flag of them all. I always had a gut feeling that I chose to ignore, or that I didn't even notice in the beginning. Now I am constantly questioning my gut feelings, and whether they are in my head; I should just stop believing in gut feelings, they've never really gotten me anywhere. Usually you don't know when something is wrong, until you're supposed to realize it's wrong, right? See what I mean about overanalyzing.

I'm not going to say Mark is the reason I've quit drinking, started eating reasonably, and started praying every night and reading my Bible again; however, he has been a source of inspiration. I've never been with someone before who was willing to discuss religion. I was with someone once, and he pretended to know what he was talking about but in his drunken, slurred words I was a "new age evangelist with a classic twist, and the first Christian I've ever dated." I am hardly a new age evangelist, thank you very much Captain Crunch. I told said drunken idiot to read the Bible once, and picked out a passage to calm his anxieties- he would have rather watched CSI and sipped on Foldgers coffee while bathing in his own filth of self loathing/loving than spent any time actually believing in any sort of higher power. Sometimes he was Jewish in his drunken ramblings. What-ever.

Anyway, as I was saying before the past rudely interrupted me; it's nice to have someone to talk to. No one has ever really appreciated me this way; or acknowledged the fact that I have some sort of intelligence when it comes to things of a religious nature.

I wish I could just be patient, instead of trying to picture myself growing old with someone just to see if it makes sense in my head. Someday I want to marry my best friend. Someone who respects my independence, and wants to raise a well-mannered family in a church, and someone who will hug me while I cry, or calm me down in my fits of rage. Someone who makes me laugh, cry, and voice my honest opinion. Someone I can lay in silence with. Someone who will still love me after I have had his children and have stretch marks, and don't have the small figure I do now.

It's almost noon and I haven't showered yet; just listening to classical music on vinyl. I need to get going; I have to leave for work in eight hours and I have a checklist of things to do.

Have a good day, bloggers.

2011-12-09T23:17:00.003-06:00

Christmas Nails.

2011-12-09T08:51:00.002-06:00

That pearl fell off my ring yesterday. :(

Hot Rollers Out For Winter.

2011-12-07T19:55:00.002-06:00

Before:

After:

(I don't think I can like, not make that face in pictures anymore).

2011-12-06T11:41:00.000-06:00

2011-12-06T11:38:00.001-06:00

Sometimes,

2011-12-04T01:09:00.002-06:00

It's hard to believe God has any sort of plan for me at all, sometimes.

Maybe I am, we all are, but I mean I know I can be a bad person.

Cold hearted, and probably manipulative.

Ever since a certain ex, I feel like my attitude towards relationships has changed.

I mean, I used to never worry about it, I just did what I did and whatever happened, happened. I wasn't so confused about gut feelings or when I'd change my mind. I just did what my giddy little heart desired. Now, it's like I totally overanalyze. Every, little, thing.

I talked myself into a rebound that, in turn, makes me want to be sick. My high school boyfriend was the last person I started dating in a state of sobriety.

My mind knows what's right, and my heart would never want to hurt you. Thinking about it makes me feel sick. I feel less cold-hearted and more worried about anything I could ever do to hurt you, or make you sad. Maybe that's a good thing.

On other news, my 8th grade boyfriend just texted me. Hahaha, wtf?

Could someone from Newton please answer this question:

2011-12-03T10:34:00.002-06:00

Did Kevin Cook seriously get married? Or is this a joke?

I mean, how can the kid that stalked me in high school and called me stoned all the time talking about how the back of cd's are, "like the world, man, like the colors are like the earth in the middle, like we are in the world, and like the world is on fire, man," get married????

How many OWIs did the kid get? Can he even drive?

I'm sorry, but really; it says he's married on Facebook, so I'm like is this real life?