Lonely?

I forgot what it was like to be alone. I mean, really alone. No questions to be answered about my daily whereabouts, no drunken phone calls with an angry voice on the line, no self righteous proclamations of perfection. No fucking arguments, and no bickering, and no picking. Just me, my music, and my own thoughts. I could close out the world and be okay right now.

I wonder how you feel knowing I am relieved. I don't have to bite my tongue. I can leave the house without telling anyone. I can go as I please. No more egg shells cracking under my feet. Hearing what you've said about your exes and old friends, I can only imagine the hateful, untrue things you may someday say about me. Joking or not, your immature word choice still means something. How did I ever fool myself into believing that we were in love? Love is not angry.

All my friends were praying for me to leave the situation. I didn't even have to speak- they could see it.

It makes me sad to know what people say about you. It makes me sad to know that I did see a smart, caring, and loving person; but that I didn't see him enough. It makes me sad that you have no confidence, security, trust, self respect, or control. It makes me sad that you think I never cared, or that you are more worried about who's going to come out on top. This was never a game to me.

Well, I forgot what it was like to be alone. Makes me wonder if I'll ever be lonely again. Gonna listen to some Conor, ya know, do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want.

Bye!