Remaining Title-less, For Now.

I'm still working on this, sometimes constantly. I hate the ending.

Weakly I lie, a twin sized bed;
Every romantic’s song-lyric’d
Fantasy.
Poisoned air still haunts the home,
As I know the lies that are trapped there.
The room, I lost who I loved,
Where monsters come from that still
Infest my nightmares. I wonder when it’s
All said and done, is this it?
I felt nothing but unconscious lust.
His eyes melt over with fire as
The time passes, he chains me to the floors
I walk on and the nights I sleep on and the days I tremble on;
While I convince the world, the world
Convinces myself that this phase won’t stay this strong.
His infamous quotes in my reality don’t
Register in my mind as honesty.
I’d cry, sip wine while he was on the other line staggering his words
Loathing and loving his beautiful, ugly mind.
“How many glashses haveyouhad?”
By the end of the night I’d have been hung up on countless times;
Hiding behind doors until I sipped the bottle dry.
“You hurt me”
“You cheated on me”
“You lied to me”
“You’re never there for me”
“I do everything for you
and
what
do I get?
Nothing.”
“How would you feel if I talked
to other girls?”
I wouldn’t care.
“Don’t lie to me! I wouldn’t do that to you, I love you.
I could have anyone else,
I could come home with any girl
But
I
Choose
You.”
I had dreams for myself once, ambitions, expectations, frustrations;
My dad told me when he’s sick, I take such good care. I wanted to
Help people. I hated you for telling me I couldn’t.
In a way that, seemed like it was my idea,
That I shouldn’t.
Yet, I still promised, my life to you I’d devote.
On that rainy day, the last hug the last touch,
The sight of your face, nauseous, I felt.
The drive back home,
I prayed and I prayed and I thanked God because I knew
I wouldn’t be seeing you, touching you, feeling you
Again.
Sick how you live and make love to your
Ungodly conscience.
Other girl’s you will now hunt;
Trembling I remember how you manipulated me to give
It all up.
I fear for the women who follow; the diamonds you’ll give
The money spent, the fake tears
Mental hits.
I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone; yet I still laugh at the fools
As though I’ve never been in their shoes.
All alone I sit, a constant attempt to
Learn to love myself I must.
I stare outside as the snow settles like dust,
And I make my own life, learn my own things,
Less focus on the clocks, pointing their fingers as they watch.

Sometimes I still shed one, clear
Beautiful, crystal, joyous tear when I
Thank God you are nowhere, nothing to me

Just a white spec, from the blizzard that has long passed.